We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
