guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
