i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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