i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
