Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
