Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
no you cant smoke seaweed
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
In other news, I just burned my penis
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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