I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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