WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
you never un-have a 4some
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
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