I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
