Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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