I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Randomize
