I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
