People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
