not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
