as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
