I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
40s are totally the cure
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
