help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
