i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
