I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
