Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
