As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
