I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
