Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
