I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
