Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
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