dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
