if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
