There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
