After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Are we still banned from the library?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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