That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Im part way to drunk.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
