I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
