Is it normal to miss your booty call?
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
