i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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