we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
