You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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