His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
