Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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