***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
