Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I will be naked everywhere
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
