she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
