All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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