you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
