i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
