i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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