Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
