i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Congratulations! We have a period
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