found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
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