I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
