THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
