i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
