guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
