That's when you crack a 10am beer
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
