Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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